Thursday, April 9, 2015


I've never really considered myself to be a sentimental person. I throw things away without much of a second thought; at least I did before I became a mother.  There's something about motherhood that makes you want to hold on to every little thing. The outfit they came home in, bibs, onesies, and handmade blankets, all become little precious treasures making a home in your heart.  Maybe it's because time, which seemed to move so slow, now seems to move too fast.  Your baby is a now toddler, so you hold on to these things that bring back the sweetest memories.  You smell, you hold, you hug and you remember what those first mommy moments felt like.  Never could I imagine that I’d be teary-eyed at the sight of tiny bibs and socks. She’s my first child and we’re growing up together.  My hope for her is to continue to grow into a person who is kind, strong, and loved.  And as her mother I have grown into someone I never thought I could be.  This would explain my new found sentimental nature as well as my need to hoard everything of hers. 

My sentimental side reared its mushy head again when the first stroller I ever owned cracked a wheel recently and I was heartbroken. It was a Peg PeregoSwitch Four and lasted me through three heavy New York City winters.  It was my first baby shower gift, sturdy with a large undercarriage and heavy enough to handle the city streets.  In the summer it went for long walks in the park, and on more than one occasion it doubled as a shopping cart.  I became a mother with that stroller and when it was time to throw it out man I cried like a baby. I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible, even though I knew it was time to let it go. I'm imagining this is what it's going to feel like when my daughter goes to college.

I can tell you now that I’m not ready.

My own mother was the same way; she still has my first set of baby shoes which are encased in a bronze frame.   She always gives me great clarity when it comes to parenting, shared in my stroller sadness. But she also made sure I knew that motherhood is about growth and continuous change, "You're doing a great job" she said, which of course made me feel like I won the mommy lottery.  There is no one’s opinion that matters more than that of my own mother when it comes to parenting.

So those tiny sweaters will turn into bigger sweaters, and strollers will be a thing of the past. She’ll go to college, meet the love of her life, and eventually have children of her own to hug,I'll just have to deal with this new sentimental side of myself and the mushiness that comes along with. Oh and my stroller? While it may be off to "stroller heaven", I did keep the cup holder. :)


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