Thursday, February 5, 2015


While I don't necessarily consider myself a romantic per se, Valentine's Day ropes me in every year.  The sappiest sentiments make me ooh and ahh like a teenager, and everywhere I look there's an overload of cuteness. Roses, candy and roses, puppies and roses, it's just so darn adorable.
Many will crowd the perfume aisles and lingerie stores in search of the perfect gift.  This year I'm closing in on my third year of motherhood, and while I love cuddly teddy bears and chocolate truffles I'm more inclined to ask for gifts I can really use, Hint: Sleep makes an appearance on this list.

So keep your flowers, here is Nine Things I Really Want for Valentine's Day:

1. An Automatic Laundry Folder

If it's good enough for Jane Jetson it's good enough for me.  And while we're at it throw in that automatic mop if you love me.

2. Sleep

I'm not talking about a nap. I need an all day, pee in a bucket by the side of the bed, wake up looking 18 yrs. old sleep. I want to emerge from the bedroom looking like characters from the TV show Lost. Now that's a good sleep. Wait, weren't they dead?

3. A Fancy Dinner Date

We love our children, but once in a while I want to be able to have a nice sit down dinner alone, just the two of us.  One where I'm not cutting anyone's food into eighths, this includes you Dad.

4. A Bath

I can't remember the last time I took a bath. When you become a mom you start taking these 30-second prison showers like you're a character on Orange is The New Black. Then you're constantly sticking your head out of the curtain with soapy "crazy eyes" to tell your kid to sit down. Calgon, take me away dawg.

5. Now stop, Sexy Time!

This one is beneficial for us both. You, Marvin Gaye and 30 good minutes are all I need. Wink, Wink.

6.  Wine

A bottle of wine is always a good gift. Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Every Day, wine just works.

7.  A housekeeper

If you happen to run into some extra cash I wouldn't be opposed to someone else cleaning up. Just sayin'

8. Make Dinner

Gordon Ramsey I am not, so I will not judge your cooking.  I love you madly so whatever recipes you've got in the stash I will eat. Want to make grilled cheese every night? I'd tear it up like Eddie Murphy did those crackers in Raw. "This is not regular cheese, this is Muenster, nom nom nom"

9.  A Freeze Ray

Finally, I'd like a freeze ray to freeze all of our precious family moments. I'd also use it to eat, pee, wash, read, and sleep in peace. We wouldn't want it to go to waste now would we?


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